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What is Sex Therapy?
This month’s free talk was about what sex therapy is. I often host this talk at my office because it is foundational to the work that I do and the most common question I receive. Often people have an idea that sex therapy is some type of psychotherapy, but that there is something different about it and they don’t know what that difference is. What I like to express is that it is psychotherapy that focuses on human sexuality. This usually increases clients’ understanding and alleviates some anxiety.
Next people want to know what it does and doesn’t include. Clearly there is no touching between me and my clients as I am a licensed professional counselor. However, there are homework assignments that I recommend where touching is required and encouraged between the couple. They may try some of these in my office, but they are fully clothed. There is no nudity in counseling sessions.
Part of my talk includes definings the training requirements of a certified sex therapist. This is best addressed at the website of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, (AASECT). On their website, they have a list of frequently asked questions of clients seeking a sex therapist, including a comprehensive listing of our training. I am an AASECT certified sex therapist. My listing is included here.
Thanks for reading my blog. I appreciate all your comments and welcome you to my future second Tuesday lunch time talks. Next month’s talk is on May 8th, entitled “Incompatible desire: What’s a couple to do?“.
Hope to see you there.
Boulder Sex Therapy April Newsletter
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Helen Fisher’s Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love- Good Resource on Human Sexuality
This book is a great resource!
People are often recommending books to me. Now I read quite a bit in the field of sex and human sexuality, but I always find there is more to read. Recently, I took someone’s suggestion and read Helen Fisher’s book, Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Thank you to whomever that was. This book explains the brain chemistry of attachment, reveals scientific research on romantic love, and of course, notes the differences in male and female brains as we fall in love.
Dr. Fisher is a Biological Anthropologist and research professor at Rutgers. She has written several books on human sex and love based on her brain research. Here is a video clip that she did for TED, so you may see her in action.
Top Three Tips to Talking to Your Teen about Sex, Tip #3
Top Three Tips to Talking to your Teen about Sex
Tip #3 Approach talking to your teen about sex actively
Spring is in the air. What opportunities are arising today that provide you with an opportunity to speak with your teen about sex? Let me give you an idea of how to approach sexuality actively in your everyday life. My favorite way is through media; magazines, movies, t.v., and computer games all provide fodder for a good conversation. Remember the last movie you watched with your teen? What about the love scenes or a relationship that developed between characters? Ask your teen what they thought about these images. Talk to them about the development of the relationship. Remember this is just a conversation about fictitious characters, which is generally easier to speak about then real life. This conversation may go some place and it may not. The point is just to connect with them about their thoughts and ideas about sex; to get them thinking and hopefully, talking. Your teen may be surprised that you want to know what they think. They may not have anything to say. That’s fine. The idea is to normalize these conversations and make them digestible. They may be brief or they may be more involved. Try it and see what happens.
If you need support, you can contact me for a consultation at 303.544.1400.
Also please join Boulder Sex Therapy’s mailing list if you’d like further information on this subject.
Top Three Tips to Talking to your Teen about Sex, Tip #2
Top Three Tips to Talking to your Teen about Sex
Tip #2 Less is better than more
Again answer what your teens are asking- I just want to reinforce that from yesterday’s tip. You don’t need to do an information dump because you feel the moment for the Big Sex Talk has arrived. The Big Sex Talk is a fallacy. More conversations will happen, they need to. This Big Sex Talk is one of many conversations; that makes it digestible. It gives your teen something to think about, reflect on, and at a later time, ask more questions. For yourself, take a deep breath and relax. You’ve got time. Remember less is better than more.
Often times I hear stories of parents or trusted adults who want to talk to their teens about sex and sexuality but they’re really quite anxious. What do you think happens? TMI and once that happens, you can’t take it back. Don’t tell your teen every mistake you made in explicit detail or glorify any past experiences. Save your nostalgia for other adults. Just give your teen the information they need so they can make their own informed decisions based on the values and beliefs you have already instilled in them. They haven’t forgotten them and this just may be an opportunity to remind your teen of your family’s values and beliefs, as they are exploring the world around them.
Good luck with this tip and remember if you need support, you can contact me for a consultation at 303.544.1400.
Also please join Boulder Sex Therapy’s mailing list if you’d like further information on this subject.
Top Three Tips to Talking to your Teen about Sex, Tip #1
Top Three Tips to Talking to your Teen about Sex
Tip #1 Meet your teen where they are at
That means answer the questions that they are asking, not necessarily what you think they ought to know. Meet them in a way that they understand what you are saying by being clear, direct, and asking if you are making sense. It really is okay to ask the latter, your teen will really appreciate your humbleness, especially if they sought out the information from you. I also recommend that you stick to the topic at hand. Tomorrow I’ll say more about this with tip #2, but it is best not to dilute topics with too much information, but stick to your teens original concern.
Tip #1 also points to giving your teen information that is digestible. Are you using language that they understand? I, personally, am continually amazed at the sophistication of young people today and how much they do understand, yet what a 13 year old can take in is quite different than a 18 year old. So craft your message accordingly and use language that they understand.
Good luck with tip#1 and remember if you need support you can contact me for a consultation at 303.544.1400.
Also please join Boulder Sex Therapy’s mailing list if you’d like further information on this subject.
Top Three Tips to Talking to your Teen about Sex
Top Three Tips to Talking to your Teen about Sex
For more than a week I have been writing these blog posts and I appreciate this opportunity. However, last week I had the chance to speak with some of you in person and I know this is my real passion! I want to share with you some of the highlights of that talk, so here is a recap. March’s free talk, entitled, Top Five Tips to Talking to your Teen about Sex, honored National Talk to your Kids about Sex Month, which is this month.
I like to begin my talks with some interaction, so we played true or false.
- By age 19, 7 in 10 teens have already had intercourse.
- The United States has the highest rates of sexually transmitted infections, or STIs, in the industrialized world.
- Teenage women often wait 6 to 18 months after initiating intercourse before they see a health care provider for contraception due to fear of pelvic exams.
- Teens are primarily looking to their parents for advice on sex and sexuality.
All these are true according to Planned Parenthood. How did you do? Just so you know, no one had to out themselves by raising their hands, but it was fun to share reactions. This sparked some good questions and answers. Maybe you want to share this with a friend andchat about your responses.
Next I invited everyone to reflect on the messages they received as a young person about sex and sexuality. Remember what your mother said to you about sex? Or what she didn’t say? How about your father? What did you wish that you had known then that you now know? What about misunderstandings or misinformation that put you at risk? These are great places for you to begin as you understand better what you want to convey to the young people in your life so they may become healthy sexual beings and have healthy sexual relationships.
So what are those top five tips? Check back here and over the next few posts I’ll be sharing some of those tips with you.
I want to invite each of you to join me for a free Tuesday talk. Please enjoy some good information and some good food. Hope to see you soon.
Orgasm or not. Can sex still be fulfilling for women without an orgasm?
Orgasm or not. Can sex still be fulfilling for women?
This article states that up to 75% of all women do not experience orgasm through intercourse alone. It also suggests that the reason women do not have orgasm is because they are distracted by other thoughts. In the heterosexual relationships mentioned in the article, it is noted that guys get upset when the women they are having intercourse with do not have an orgasm. The cycle continues with women feeling responsible to gratify their partner with an orgasm. Sound familiar?
Read more here.
http://www.bupipedream.com/release/8740/sex-orgasm-female-orgasms/
What the article fails to mention, even though it suggests some biological research, is that a woman’s brain, specifically the part that seats fear and anxiety- the amygdala, needs to be deactivated before the pleasure centers can trigger an orgasm. Learn more by coming to a free talk at Boulder Sex Therapy.
Please join Boulder Sex Therapy’s mailing list if you’d like further information on this subject.
Sexless Marriages in U.S.
What you can do to change a sexless marriage
Ten to twenty percent of U.S. citizens live in a sexless romantic relationship. That is forty millions people who have sex less than ten times per year. This article focuses on the upside of these relationships and what you can do to change a sexless marriage.
http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/are-sexless-marriages-and-relationships-normal.aspx
Please join Boulder Sex Therapy’s mailing list if you’d like further information on this subject.